S5E30: The Confidence Cure - How to Speak Up, Be Heard, and Get What You Deserve
If I reminded you that you are perfect, you argue me down or step into your perfection?
JClay:To perfect mode. Welcome to perfect mode.
JClay:Where there are no excuses, no Perfect. Perfect. Perfect. Yeah. Yeah.
Troy Washington:Welcome to perfect mode. What up, man? What up? What up? Coming in hot today, baby.
Troy Washington:So first off, let me start by telling y'all that we love y'all. We're grateful for the opportunity to be anywhere sharing our ops and hopefully helping you realize that you are perfect. And the reason, the reason why I can say that unapologetically is because I know that you are one of one, numero uno. You cannot be replicated, duplicated, and the only reason you would think that you're not perfect is if you're looking at this person on the side of you and saying, I'm not them, but guess what? You are you.
Troy Washington:And that's all you need. And of course, it's yours truly, Troy Washington, your friendly neighborhood realtor. And I have my boy, Jay Clay, spiritual rapper and teacher. And we're about to jump on here and talk about the confidence cure. How to speak up, be heard, and get what you deserve.
Troy Washington:The confidence cure. What up, Jay?
JClay:What up? What up? Happy day. Happy day. Perfect.
JClay:For some reason, I think our Facebook Live one might not be working.
Troy Washington:Yeah. So I just saw that, and it was weird to me. But you know?
JClay:Yeah. YouTube working. Instagram working. Catches. Catch the replay.
JClay:All that good stuff. But, I'm I'm feeling good today. Wanna talk about this this confidence cure.
Troy Washington:Yeah, man. So, yeah, like, when I oh, well, first of all, when I see this, of course, like, always, bro, I always try to see what my first thought or the first thing that comes to my mind is. And the thing that comes to my mind is it's not always a holistic thought. It's always broken up into where are there areas in my life where I do need the confidence cure or where I'm lacking confidence? Because there are some areas of my life where it's just automatic.
Troy Washington:I'm on automatic. I can just do whatever. So, you know, that's the first thing that came to my mind. But what were you thinking when you first saw this topic?
JClay:So one thing I'm trying to do, I'm trying to post the the link, the Facebook Live on it to our you, Facebook in case some people missing it. But I will say this. The first thing that came to mind with this is, like, it's everything. Confidence is is everything because it's, like, it's the foundation of what you can do. It's it's part of being who you are.
JClay:And if you're not comfortable being you, you you you're missing out on so much because, like, you're uniquely suited for so many things. Like, we talk about how perfect you are, and confidence is a big component of that, of being confident to just be who you are, even though it's not gonna look look like your your way of think thinking and doing and being is not gonna be the same as anyone else. And that's alright because we are all different. We are all one, but we are all seen from a different perspective. And so we get to express ourselves differently, and it all starts with with confidence.
Troy Washington:And, you know, to that point, it's again, it's weird. And it's it's even from what I say is starting at the show. But the question I think that we gotta ask ourselves is why would I ever not be confident in me? Again, I get the thought process of not being confident in things outside of me. So as an example, you know, me and Jay Clay are doing these things together, and he has this portion.
Troy Washington:Again, I never doubt my boy just FYI for y'all, but we just I can understand why somebody would feel uncomfortable or not confident in something when you don't have direct control over the actions or whatever needs to be done. But the question again is, why would I ever have a lack of confidence in myself? And that's whether I know what I'm doing or not because there's always an opportunity to something. Go ahead, Jay. That's my thoughts.
JClay:Yeah. And I love that because we we oh, okay. Okay. Let me take a step back. One thing I want this to be is, like, let's say you are lacking confidence, how to step into that.
JClay:Because the thing is we all have moments where we're fully confident. We have those things that we do that we just we're just in our bag, as they say. And we we know exactly what to do. We know how to move. But then we have these other instances where we're not, partly because we talked about fear last week.
JClay:We're afraid to fail, But failing was never in the equation in the beginning, especially if you're doing something for the first time. Like, we always bring up walking and talking. When you first started walking and talking, like, you weren't afraid. You just knew you were gonna do it one day, so you were happy to try to do it. And you had that that confidence in yourself that I can do this.
JClay:Like, I know you talk about your kids all the time that they see something new. They say, I can do it. And even if they don't do it good the first time, their confidence hasn't wavered because they're like, I can do this. But somewhere along the lines, I don't know whether we're comparing ourselves to others or we let others get inside of our heads that we start to lose confidence in ourselves.
Troy Washington:And, you know, this is actually something that I I think that I've mentioned before, at least as far as my mentality or my thinking about it, and that's that we're it's
JClay:funny.
Troy Washington:It could be because I'm cutting perfect perfect mode shorts. So for everybody that don't know, you can find us on YouTube. You can get the shorts on YouTube, TikTok, everywhere. You know? But the thought process is, bro, that there's so much oppositional thinking.
Troy Washington:There are so many different viewpoints that we subscribe to. And I say subscribe because it's just like a YouTube page. Sidewalk, and then you you bite into it. And it doesn't mean that you you you're agreeing with all the stock that is selling, but the essence of it becomes a part of you. And so because you're seeing all these other things go on, it offsets your it's louder than what you think for yourself.
Troy Washington:But go ahead, Jay.
JClay:Yeah. So I I wanna I wanna bring up a interesting premise. It says you don't get what you deserve. You get what you claim. Now some people might go to thinking that means I'm just gonna take this.
JClay:I'm just gonna steal this from another person or take that. And I I don't believe that that this is what this is saying. This is saying, like, you get what you believe you're capable of getting. You know, the the things that you claim. Like, it it's been many times that we've gotten a gift, and we might not have think we deserved it, and we wanted to give it back.
JClay:And it's like we're we're even though we probably were very deserving of it, but until we claim it, until we accepted that gift of our for our own taking, we couldn't have accepted it, if that makes sense. Even if somebody's given us a gift, we don't always wanna accept it, but you should because it is you said this for yourself. You said, I am worthy of this. This is what I want, and it's that easy. You don't have to effort for things.
JClay:You don't have to to to work hard, tooth and nail, unless you enjoy doing that, but it's really as simply as as confidently claiming it.
Troy Washington:Now this is what so funny enough about this, bro. I literally just had this conversation. So shout out to me at Black Coffee and Frank Franklin and Anthony. So I was at at their house, and I had this epiphany because, as you know, I'm new to chat g t chat chat GPT. And so I literally been using it every single day.
Troy Washington:And a part of the reason is because I'm I'm doing our stuff for perfect mode. I'm doing stuff on my personal channels and things of that nature, but also along with it, I'm writing a book. Right? And so what I ended up doing was and this is actually a quote that I put in my book because I realized that as I'm talking to Chad. But the reality of it is Chad only knows who I he Chad only knows what I tell him.
Troy Washington:And so if you were to go into Chad and you say, hey. Tell me something about Troy. It's gonna tell you all of these great things, but not only that, it's going to give you for things that I haven't done or things that I want to do. Right? It's gonna tell you it's gonna all it's gonna be all facing forward in a sense.
Troy Washington:Right? But then the reality of it is life is the exact same way. And this is what I was telling Frank and Mia. All the people on the outside of us, they only know what we tell them. They only know what we show them.
Troy Washington:And so they can only reflect back. They can only give us back what they know of us. Right? And so the the epiphany for me was if you want something from somebody or if you want somebody to think something about you, tell them what it is. And then once you tell them what it is, you reap the benefits by walking in the path that you set for yourself because it can change any time.
Troy Washington:Today, I can say I'm a astronaut. And if I start walking like an astronaut, it's just literally that's what I am. And so, you know, that's just my thoughts on it. But go ahead, Jay.
JClay:Yeah. I I love that too because, like, you're you're saying who you are, but then you're walking in it. Like, you're you're matching it. Like, you would know a person by their fruits. You can you can tell if somebody is is is confident in that space.
JClay:And and here's an example too. Like, play basketball this morning. I I play basketball usually on on Sundays, and many ballers would tell you this that there's a difference between being open and being open and calling for the ball. Because, like, sometimes you could be open, but you could be tired. You might not be Mhmm.
JClay:Ready. But when you're when you're ready, when you claim it, like, give me when they see the confidence in your eyes, they know to pass it to you. Now you might miss it. You might fumble, have a turnover, something, whatever. But that confidence that you convey in that moment means the world.
JClay:So, like, whether you have a job interview, whether you you're stepping into a new space, you're pitching something to somebody that can do something for you, you're, just meeting somebody new, that confidence can take you farther than whatever your circumstances might look like right now.
Troy Washington:So and so then that brings up the next question. Right? And I think that's the I I think that's a big part of what you're saying is the fact that the the confidence, how do you, like, how do you get that? You know, how, like but because and and and again, I I have the answer for myself, but, you know, the same thing for my for my for my kids, and and I and I'm not saying this is a one size fit all thing. The reason why we're talking about it, but my son in basketball, I say, if we shoot a thousand shots this week and you make a thousand shots this week, when you go into the game and you shoot, you're gonna have the confidence to know that you can make a shot.
Troy Washington:Now how many you will make? I don't know. But if you've made a thousand, it's easily comprehensible that you can make five shots in a game or seven shots in a game because you you you felt that you witnessed. So his confidence came by way of repetition over and over again. And the reason why I said the way that I said at the beginning because I know it doesn't always take physical repetition.
Troy Washington:But what I do think it takes is mental repetitions. And so, you know and and that and and that can also go to, you know, imagining or meditating or visualizing. But being able to lit because you live it whether you're physically doing it or not. But being able to live it over and over again gives you will put you in a position for the confidence that you need in those moments.
JClay:Man, you touched on something, Big. That that mental repetition. Because it all starts with our thoughts. It all starts even before that, it starts with our beliefs, but those are all mental things. And and using the same example from basketball this morning, like, I remember I had I had missed a a wide open shot, and I started for a second to get on myself.
JClay:I'm like, no. I'm tripping. I just made x amount of points. I just made x amount of defensive stops. Why am I tripping over one point?
JClay:Like and I and I saw the trajectory of where my mind would have went had I allowed it to stay on that thought. And that's why, yeah, it isn't you test on the key thing of confidence is resonating with the right thoughts at the right time. And it's it's it's really doing what you need to do to repeat those thoughts. Like, you can read something that a poem on confidence. You can listen to your favorite song.
JClay:You can relive if you're gonna relive moments, relive moments where you were confident in a situation and then apply that to this moment. Because whenever you're experiencing it in your mind, you're experiencing it now. Like, everything is more mental than physical. And so I I love that you said that it's a mental exercise.
Troy Washington:So I'm gonna build on that just based off of my own thoughts. And and this is a shout out to you, Jay Clay. Yeah. You know, one of the things that you've said to me in the past, and I think it's kind of a mantra that you may live by, and it's also kinda the sum of the sentiment that we kinda touched on the show on a number of occasions, but the saying is the things that you appreciate, appreciate. And I I know we're talking about the mental aspect of it and and and you saying reliving things.
Troy Washington:But like I told you, I'm on my mission right now to upload all of these videos from my family. And yesterday I mean, Friday was my anniversary. So I I talked to my wife about this as well. And so the thought process here is, bro, like, I am uploading these videos every day, and I'm reliving. Yep.
Troy Washington:Even even perfect mode stuff. I'm uploading perfect mode videos, and I'm reliving it. And the the the the coolest part about it, I'm a use perfect mode as the perfect example, I've been uploading perfect mode videos every day for the past two weeks. Right? And if there's anything to sharpen my tools, my or or or give me more tools in my tool belt to be able to come on this show and further express myself or further give a deeper explanation of how I feel would be me reliving these life crafting moments that we've been creating already.
Troy Washington:Right? And so now, like, it it it when I say say something and live it, I'm living it just by rewatching the videos. And so there's a level of appreciation that comes along with it too because you recognize sometimes things that you might not have recognized when it was getting pulled out of you. Same thing with my family videos. And so when I think about the confidence cure and reliving things and, like you said, looking at all the things that I want to convey versus I can look at a bunch of videos that are not happy or not fulfilling or, you know, not but now the trajectory that I'm on when it comes to the things that I can do for my family or things that I can do for this show are on a whole another level because I've given myself the confidence based off reliving the things that I want to actually happen again.
Troy Washington:But go ahead, Jay.
JClay:Yeah. And for those who, or for those who just not hearing the the saying, what you appreciate appreciates, I I just wanted to break it down. And those that heard it, good repetition to know this because this is one of the most important things. So when we think of appreciating, like, we appreciate things ourselves. Like, I appreciate you.
JClay:Thank you. But, also, like, houses and goods and all these other things appreciate in value. But how do those things appreciate in value? They appreciate in value by the people who value them taking good care of them. Like, you know, for example, your realtor in a house, a neighborhood appreciates by people taking care of the neighborhood, people taking care of their own house, people taking care of their yard, and it just has this aesthetic to it where the value keeps going up because it is very much appreciated.
JClay:So many people wanna be where appreciation is. And so we get to appreciate things literally, physically, all of it, mentally by saying, okay. I love this. I'm going to appreciate it. But what some may not understand is there's an other side of appreciation too.
JClay:It could because it all comes down to your attention, what you give attention to. So you can be giving attention or appreciation to things you want and like or things that you don't want and don't like. And you're wondering, like, why does this keep coming up in my world? Why am I seeing why why am I, you know, stuck in this space? It's because you're giving so much attention to it that you appreciate it.
JClay:You don't even realize you're appreciating it. It's it's expanding. What you focus on expands in your world is getting bigger and bigger. And so it's very important that you switch your attention, you switch your appreciation to that you really want to appreciate, that what you really enjoy. And and coincidentally, like, that adds to your confidence because you're like, wow.
JClay:I noticed all of this. Everything I appreciate is right here. I am confident. It doesn't matter what happens out there. Like, I'm I'm here.
JClay:I'm I'm I'm secure in myself, and this is beautiful.
Troy Washington:Bro, so let me tell you. So I I wanna stay with the houses as the example because the the the funny part and, again, this is another reason why you can't allow outside forces to dictate your confidence, your appreciation, or anything. You have to because, ultimately, your your happiness is gonna lie there, number one. But this is one of the reasons why someone would say that someone overpaid for a house. Right?
Troy Washington:Because they showed up to this house, and the husband and wife, they loved it so much. Now the house is priced at $250,000. Now this is what's cool about it. The the people that live in the house, they overprice the house based off of what the market says. Right?
Troy Washington:The house might be only worth $200,000, but because they overly appreciate their home, they priced it for a lot higher. Of course, wanna get the most money. Right? And then you got all of these people that come and look at the house and their realtor is telling them, you know what? That house is too much.
Troy Washington:They if you look at all the other houses on the market, they have it priced $50,000 over what it what it's supposed to be. Right? But there's always somebody that could come. And I and I've literally lived this by selling houses for more than the house was worth on the market because your appreciation is there's somebody else's is gonna be there too. And so what happens is you'll buy that house and everybody around you will say that you paid too much, but you can never feel that.
Troy Washington:You will never know that because the way that you're looking at it, the level of appreciation is beyond what anybody can fathom. What you think that you can do for the house, the memories that you can make in the house, the, you know, the the just the way that it makes you feel. And, again, it doesn't matter how much the house cost. It could have been a million dollars more as long as you have the the the the correct level of appreciation. The outside forces will never agree with you because they don't have the same level of appreciation for you as you.
Troy Washington:So but but that's just my thoughts. But go ahead, Danny.
JClay:And and I and even before doing this today, I I never realized the link between confidence and appreciation. Like, it it really is one and the same. But and and I noticed it too when people like, I've seen certain people be around certain people, and their whole aura changes. It's like they're just so confident. They're just so happy.
JClay:They just they're just sitting back in that feeling, but it's because they are surrounded by everyone and everything they appreciate. And so it is we can't we can't overlook the appreciating factor in that. Man, that that that's awesome. And, yeah. And and similar, though, like, because of this on social media, there's certain videos that once I realize what it is, I won't watch.
JClay:Like like, fail videos when people, like, might Yeah. Do something and just fall. Nope. I don't wanna see that because let's say I do try one of those things and I fall, I'm gonna quickly get back up and focus on how to succeed on on picturing me succeed in it, and I I don't want any remnants of that. Yes.
JClay:It exists. I understand it. I accept that, but it's just not for me.
Troy Washington:So let let's talk about like you said and I agree. Like, I don't know that I necessarily put them together at at in the beginning even though if we were just to have this conversation, you know, cordially, me and you, I think we would still have come to the same conclusion. But what I will tell you is when it comes to confidence, like, you're going to be things that you appreciate, right, you're gonna do more. You're gonna be more tied to. You're going to have more reps.
Troy Washington:Like, a kid playing basketball, if they like Brody, he appreciates basketball. Like, all he does is play basketball all day. Like, he literally will come home from school because he loves basketball. He appreciates how it makes him feel. Right?
Troy Washington:And so when he comes home, well, most kids would get on their iPad. He's gonna play basketball on the Minnie Hoop for an hour. Then he's gonna play two k, you know, on the PlayStation. Then he's gonna go out and do whatever reps I have him do. And that's because he has an appreciation for the sport.
Troy Washington:He really loves it. But the thing is, if you see him on the court, he's in first grade. He plays third grade. Right? How does a first grader have confidence to play third graders?
Troy Washington:When a a first grader supposed to be playing on an eight foot hoop, but they're playing on a 10 foot hoop. When the first grader should be playing people that are high, but they're playing people that's two times taller than them. And so when the thing is he has ultimate confidence because his level of appreciation is beyond anything that anybody could imagine. And so there's no fear. There's only confidence, and that's only because he's 100% sure that I don't wanna do anything other than this.
Troy Washington:And so whatever the obstacle is in front of me, I'm ready to tackle it.
JClay:Yeah. I love that, man. Yeah. First grade whooping up on third graders. That's that's and and when you when you're little, like, that that two year age gap is one of the hugest gaps ever.
Troy Washington:Bro, I have I'm I'm I'm going to share the footage with you. It's just a picture, and I'm a show you a clip of our kids lining up against these kids. And when I tell you it was the optic of it is so crazy that you will believe that there's no way that these little kids can play with them, but then they go and beat them 38 to two. So, you know, it's just it's the but, again, it's it's to the point of what we're seeing. And if we decide to appreciate things that we're not sure of or we're not as confident of, we appreciate it.
Troy Washington:We're gonna be more attuned to it, and that's gonna change your whole confidence level off the top. But go ahead, Jay.
JClay:And and one one thing I was thinking about too when you were speaking is that how why, you know, everyone isn't always confident, you know, about certain things. And I I think the underlining reason because, you know, because everybody agrees that you perform better. You just do things better when you're confident in your self. Like, you you you can even fail better if if this is such a thing, but it's fear because of the expectation. So, like, if if you weren't expected of anything, it doesn't matter because everything you do is just a bonus.
JClay:But if, like, people are expecting you to do something, like, to step into that confidence means, yeah, I'm a do this, but it also means, like, the the blame is on you. And and I guess and, again, an example would be basketball again because it's fresh on my mind, and I played this morning. Like, I I I remember I've had some games where, like, maybe I was tired or whatever, and I just lost confidence in myself. And it it wasn't that much was expected of me, I guess. But then once I started having more confidence in myself and stepping to the player that I wanna be, I'm being expected to hit big shots more.
JClay:I'm being expected to do these things more. And it's a different level of ability. It's like, man, do I do I want this weight of holding this? But even the weight that comes along with it is in your mind, and you don't have to accept that weight of it. You can just be confident and weightless if that makes sense.
JClay:So I'm I'm saying this to anybody that might be scared to to step into that confidence space for fear that it comes with added pressures. It doesn't have to unless you want it to.
Troy Washington:And and so the confidence part and and this is the part that I I I want people to get as well. It's just you. There are no outside forces that you have to compete with. And, again, I understand the thought process of how will people respond to me or how I feel or what I'm doing or where I'm going. But the question that you gotta ask yourself is, how are you gonna respond to it?
Troy Washington:You literally thought, felt, or wanted to do whatever this is. And in that moment when you thought, felt, or wanted to do whatever this was, there had to be a sense of joy. There had to be a sense of determination. There had to be a sense of love. And then you allow a lack of confidence or a lack of appreciation for you realizing how you're feeling in this moment to deter you from doing it.
Troy Washington:And the funny thing is look, man. The thing that I want people to get is you have to be confident in being you. This Friday was my anniversary. I grew up different than my wife. So the way that we do things are are completely different.
Troy Washington:My wife on the surface is a I love you right now. She's gonna say it verbally. She's gonna hug me every single time. I didn't grow up like that. I grew up in a house where my mom and I, we didn't talk about love like that.
Troy Washington:Now here's the thing. I knew my mama like, you couldn't tell me my mama's love was any less than anybody else's love even though she didn't say it. And it wasn't that she bought me a bunch of stuff to show me. There was just a feeling. And so in that, there's gonna be a a a obstacle or a a hurdle that we have to climb in any relationship that I ever get in.
Troy Washington:And a reason why it'll be hard for me to express myself the way that my wife I mean, my mom expressed it to me because my wife would never be able to internalize it. So it will stop me or prevent me from being confident in giving her the love in the way that I know how to so that way she can accept it. Right? So it'll stop me. And so what what ends ends up happening is I just say, girl, I've been with you for this long.
Troy Washington:I love you. And then we kinda leave it at that, but that's not what I want to happen because I don't feel it anymore. Right? So this weekend, I told myself that I'm gonna tell her I love her in the way that I want to regardless of how she feels. And then I did this confidence work that I was talking about, internalizing.
Troy Washington:How would I tell her? How she's gonna respond to me in a way that I want her to respond to me? And these are things that I think about. And then we sat down on the bed, and I told her how much I love her in the way that I told her that I how I wanted to tell her how I love her. And at the end of what I said, I said, and guess what, girl?
Troy Washington:I love you too. And she responded to me in the way that I imagined that she would respond. And she said, man, I never thought about it from that perspective. Right? I never even realized that it was like that.
Troy Washington:And to for me, it it made me feel like the love that my mom gave me, I was able to give to her. But, again, that's because I was confident enough to to do it and not worry about it not being received the way that I thought it should be received. But go ahead, Jay.
JClay:Yeah. I love that, man, because, like and it all goes back to what you said at at the beginning. Like, it's it's just you. Like, all of these mind games we play, we're playing these mind games. All the things we think people are gonna say and respond to, we are bringing that without actually true truly knowing.
JClay:And I I commend you for moving forward because you could have responded anyway, but that wasn't even the point of it. The point is for you to be confident in doing what you want to do, and how you see fit to do it. Like, because the the thing is everyone it might not look like it from from each perspective, but everyone is doing their best no matter what. Even if you see somebody screw up royally, and it's just like, I can't believe they not they did stupid to do that. They're doing their best.
JClay:They they're doing what they felt they needed to do based on how they assess things so far in their life. And if you can remember that, it's like it it doesn't it it's like it it's it's not about you. You know? It's it's it's about you from what you give, but it is not about you from what they're giving back because they are in their mode. They're about them.
JClay:And so you shouldn't even have that pressure of how others respond. Just do what you feel is right. Do what you wanna do because that's all we're doing anyway.
Troy Washington:No. I I I love that, bro. And, you know, specifically, I I I think you know, one of the things I I've talked about on this show before is that I never thought I was great until I started to tell people that they were great all the time or that they were amazing. And so what that was for me was me allowing myself to at least give myself the opportunity to recognize that anybody could be great regardless if I was in agreeance with the way that they live or the way they did things or the they said things or the or the places that they were going. And so when I did that, I saw it for myself.
Troy Washington:But to your point, I think that you want to recognize other people's confidence as well. So that way, it'll, in turn, be a confidence cure for you. Because if you can look at somebody and say, dang. They're enthusiastic. Dang.
Troy Washington:I think they're do this. Now when you have that same fire in your belly because we've all felt it. It doesn't matter what it hasn't it doesn't have to be about a business. It could be any it could be telling somebody you love them. It could be going to, you know, an event.
Troy Washington:It could be watching your favorite show. But when you have that fire in your belly, like, you will allow it to come to the surface, and you will be able to be confident. And, yeah, you could be confident watching the show too, you know, just FYI. But go ahead, Jay.
JClay:Yeah. And a couple of things too. Like like, this is confidence isn't a trait. It's a practice. And I I've even I've even experimented where I've went into a situation purposely not confident and saw people's reactions to me and then in the middle of it turned confident.
JClay:And I just saw, like, people couldn't understand. It's a fun thing to do. I I say everybody should try. But you have to be confident to be not confident, and that's that's a whole another thing. But about confidence, isn't a trait.
JClay:It's a practice. One of the things that I love oh, wait. Okay. Two things. Two things.
JClay:So when me and you were selling CDs, we talk about this all the time in where are we? We were in Miami. We were selling CDs to a bunch of strangers, people we didn't know. I was more confident because I knew that you were doing it too. Like, me in that situation, I did what is necessary because I'm like, man, I gotta do this.
JClay:I gotta find a way to be confident. I don't feel confident. It just weren't up to all these people. But my boy Troy with me, and he doing it too, so I'm gonna use that as the confidence. And we were able to, like sometimes it'd be groups of 10 people at one time.
JClay:We'll stop and just sell it to them, and they have the meanest faces ever, but I had I I did what I needed to do to have that confidence in that moment. And then so it it was it was being practiced. But secondly, Troy, I want you to share with everyone, if you don't mind, what you have your kids say every day that I think is amazing that everybody should adapt this in in some way or another. But go ahead.
Troy Washington:So you you you're talking about what we say in the morning when we're on our way to school? Oh, so every morning and and, again, the reason why I do this is also a byproduct of something that I did when we were doing perfect mode. So mind you, when there was a point when we are going through this transition where I said, why wouldn't we start our days out the best way possible? It doesn't make like, why are we going to the day not giving ourselves the opportunity whether we believe it or not in the beginning to have our best foot forward. And so what I used to do in the very in in the morning when I first got out the well, I ain't gonna say when I got out of bed.
Troy Washington:When I opened my eyes, when I had consciousness, right, I the first thing that I would say is I'm amazing. I'm amazing. And and all the time, I didn't always feel like I was amazing. I didn't wanna get up half the time because it's it's morning. You know?
Troy Washington:But I never allowed those thoughts to come into my mind. I would just tell myself I'm amazing. And I know my wife probably thought I was crazy because she'll be up walking around, doing stuff, and I'm just laying in the bed. It's dark, and I'm just saying I'm amazing. And, you know, a number of times, man, once I got up, I literally felt exactly what I was saying.
Troy Washington:And so because of that, I adopted that thing with my kids. So every single morning, we get in the car. We get you know, they put their seat belts on. I say, hey. Y'all got your seat belts on?
Troy Washington:And then they say, yeah. And then I start beating on the the door or the the the midsection. I go, uh-uh. Uh-uh. Uh-uh.
Troy Washington:Uh-uh. Uh-uh. I I all I have to do is do that. I don't even have to say nothing. The next thing that they gonna do is they gonna say, I'm great.
Troy Washington:I'm great. I'm great. I'm great. And we do, like, a round of, like, four bars today while we're driving. And that's the first thing we do no matter what.
Troy Washington:And the reason why is because I know that I don't know what challenges are coming for them for the day, but I want them to start their day out confident. And you wanna talk about the practice, the mental practice of saying I'm great over and over again knowing that I have to start my day out like that? I think that's the reason why my kids aren't as successful at school because it's not that they don't have any other options, but they're choosing the option that's the loudest and most prevalent to them.
JClay:It what what I love about that too is, like, I don't know if you remember, but a long time ago, told me that one time, your youngest son, he's he was not in the best mood. And you started doing it, and he couldn't resist. Like, you know, you were you were hitting the beat. His older brother was singing it, and he couldn't resist. And he stepped into it, and that instantly changed his mood.
JClay:And and and that would instantly change anyone's mood. And it's like, why don't why don't we start our day like that more often?
Troy Washington:See, again and that's the funny part about it, bro. It it and this is just me, saying what I feel like the outside forces may think about it when they try to do it themselves. Not what they think about me because I don't think anybody would look at me and think that, oh, this dude is goofy because he got his kids singing that they're great in the morning. I don't think that. But I also understand the sentiment of doing some and how you can look at yourself and feel like it's goofy.
Troy Washington:Like, I understand that because maybe there's a point where I felt like, my kids are gonna probably think this is goofy. But the thing was I understood that this is something that they need to feel no matter what. This is something that I need to feel no matter what. This is the confidence that we're talking about. And when you wanna talk about putting in the practice and and being unapologetic about it, regardless of how I feel outside forces may feel like it's going to or no matter how I felt like I was gonna feel about it.
Troy Washington:We're gonna do this because we're gonna give ourselves the best opportunity so that way whenever something does present itself to me, guess what? Don't matter because you know what? I'm great. It's that simple. But go ahead, Jay.
JClay:Yeah. And and the the only way that I I think people could have a problem with it is if y'all followed up by saying y'all not. But it's no. It's not about nobody else. It's about yourself.
JClay:You're saying, I'm great. And you saying that about yourself does not diminish anyone else. And that's that's what people have to remember. Like, by you self empowering yourself, it doesn't diminish anyone around you. It doesn't mean that they are less empowered by it because it it doesn't work like that.
JClay:Like, we are all being our our our stepped into our light, we can see much better. We can see everything much better. We can work much better. I love to give the example of the five fingers. Like, if you give all your five fingers consciousness right now, one might be like, well, I'm gonna be the smartest, or this one might be like, I'm gonna be the strongest.
JClay:This one might be in love with this one and just they all doing their own thing. And so you'll just be walking around like this all day, and people like, man, what's wrong with that person? But yeah. But once you work together, once you realize everyone is in their light and they all are connected, you can start shooting a shot. You can give high fives.
JClay:You can break dance. You it's like it's more harmony with that, and that's what each of us are. We kinda like fingers on the same hand or members of the same body. And by by doing your part, by stepping into your light, you can be in harmony with everything around you.
Troy Washington:And I also like and and I agree. Because, again, if I was to be able to describe like, if I if I was to be able to describe what harmony looked like to me, if I was able to describe that, that would be me feeling great all day. When you talk about, you know, setting your life up in such a way, me, you know, sitting in the bed saying I'm amazing, then me going into the telling my kids that they're great. And then, you know, whenever you know, me coming and telling my wife that, hey. No matter what you do, you got this thing.
Troy Washington:You know, I'm set I want my life to be this way. I want it to be all incorrigible and happy and loving and feeling the amazingness, and that's in spite of the physical realm that I live in. Because a lot again, we like to tie all of this confidence and happiness to things. But I'm saying, you remove all things, I still feel amazing. My kids still feel great, and my wife still feel like she could do anything.
Troy Washington:And that's the world that you you we wanna live in, but do we have the confidence that we can even live there? And if you don't have the confidence that you can live in that place, you don't put the things in in in in in place in order to to achieve it because it does feel funny. It does feel weird. It does feel different. It's just like walking, like you said.
Troy Washington:I don't know how I'm a walk, but I know I'm gonna do it. And then some kids decided they're not gonna do that one day because, you know, whatever reason. But go ahead, Jay.
JClay:Yeah. Self root self worth is the root. Speaking up is the fruit. And so, yeah, that that's that's one thing this all stems from. Self confidence starts with self worth.
JClay:Like, how do you see yourself? And it all comes with in in in a sense, it all comes with you speaking to yourself. If you're saying bad things about yourself, if you're complaining about yourself, seeing yourself as as less than, of course, you're not gonna have confidence because you don't value yourself that much. But when you start to value yourself and realize, like, I'm I'm I was never meant to be a judge. I'm not how am I gonna judge?
JClay:God made me perfect. I'm perfect. There's if if you can undo God's perfection, that means you're more powerful than god. And I don't think anyone here believes they're more powerful than god, so you have to accept your perfection. And if you're not valuing yourself at least on the same level, you're doing yourself a disservice because you are uniquely suited to present to the world how you see the world.
JClay:Like, because we are all from a different vantage point. Like, it's like if we're lined up, I can be like, hey. Look out for this coming up over there. You'd be like, look out for this coming up over there where we can't see it. It's in our blind spot, but you're perfectly suited.
JClay:And when you're not in that fully, even if you're not in that a little bit, like, the whole world is missing out. And so I I I say that just to to say how important you are so you can hear from an outside source, but it's more important that you you tune in to the inside source so that you can know it for yourself.
Troy Washington:You know, the the the cool part about this, again, also is that and this is when it comes to confidence with other people or confidence that you give to other people. The number one thing is and it and and also, to the point that you're making about self worth is the is the root. One of the biggest things that was a pet peeve of mine is anybody around me saying anything negative about themselves. I absolutely hate it. And a part of it is because of me finding out that self worth is the root, speaking up is the fruit, is that I never want anybody to believe anything about themselves that I haven't seen, number one.
Troy Washington:So that's a whole another you know, that's that's a a battle within itself, but I hate it. And the reason why I bring this up is because one piece is I said we want to be able to accept or acknowledge other people's confidence, but I also want to say that we do not have to accept people's rotten fruit, the rotten fruit that they give themselves. But also with not accepting their rotten fruit doesn't mean that we have to debate them about it. And I'm saying that because of how how I am. I'm quick to tell somebody this.
Troy Washington:The reason and and this is the the this is the conclusion that I came up with myself. The reason why I was not allowing them to accept their fruit is because something in me also believed the thing that they were saying because I wanted to fight something that was not real. And so the idea here for myself and I would share to everybody else is, number one, accept and acknowledge people's confidence. So that way you can in turn recognize your own confidence or build your own confidence up. Allow them to be happy over overexuberant and all these other wonderful things and tell them you see it.
Troy Washington:Then on the flip side, when someone comes with the rotten fruit, it's okay to acknowledge that, hey. You are great, but you don't have to dive deep. You don't have to accept it. You don't have to believe that those things are real because then you end up doing the same thing, fighting yourself on saying, well, maybe this is that no. You can hear it, and then you move on.
Troy Washington:But that's just my thoughts on that. Go ahead, Jay.
JClay:Yeah. And and with the with the speaking up is the fruit part too. Like, to me, that that also means speaking your truth no matter what. And, like, I I remember I had reached the point maybe in my my twenties. Not not to say that I lived fake before that or whatever, but it was just like
Troy Washington:You was fake? I'm gonna I'm gonna be
JClay:I'm gonna be me as quickly as possible around whoever because that way, if if they don't like if they don't like the me that's showing up, they can just leave, and I haven't invested any time in it or nothing. Cool. You know who I am. This is me. Accept it or not.
JClay:But, you know, a lot of times we might what's the word? Is it pander to just things. Like, you you you might get a job. You might hold your tongue because, oh, I need this job or or else blah blah blah. But it's like, nah.
JClay:Be you. You could be you respectfully. Like, be being you is respectful. It's not just going off on people for no reason. You can hold your ground and not give much more.
JClay:Like, I like that you said that you won't argue with somebody, especially about their limitation because that allows them to strengthen their belief in their limitation by going back and forth. But, also, like, truth needs no validation. Love needs no validation. It it just is. So when you say something, stand on it.
JClay:You don't gotta repeat yourself. You don't gotta say it over and over again. Just say it and just let that be. Even if they come back with something else, you don't even have to respond anymore. You said your piece.
JClay:And and be be confident in in you and what you want because you're meant to. And sometimes people are just giving you like I just say, the universe, the world is just giving you the opportunity to see it for yourself. So that's why you're being met with it. And so it's like the sooner that you choose it, the more sooner you would appreciate it, the more sooner it'll be all around you, and you would be in a space of confidence and appreciation.
Troy Washington:Look. The the thing that comes to my mind when you said it, though, bro, is, like, I'm drinking water right now. Right? If somebody came to me and like, man, that's not water. I'm just gonna say, okay.
Troy Washington:Because you you you don't know, and I do know. You know what I'm saying? So, you know, to that point, the truth, I don't argue the truth. I would never argue the truth. And so even to the example that I was given about someone giving themselves rotten fruit, speaking up is, you know, is a rotten fruit in in this instant.
Troy Washington:It's okay for me to be like, no. It's water. And if they argue me, I don't have to it it's okay. Because I'm not going to, like you said, reinforce what you're thinking about yourself, but I'm also not going to allow that to be, what they call that, rabbit hole or Pandora's box for myself. And then the other point that I want to make, and this is about the confidence as well.
Troy Washington:And I'm saying it only because you said pandering. And I don't know if you use it the right way. It don't matter, really, at the end of the day, but I said it because it it it it brings up the many times where I've said words that I don't know if I'm using in them in the right context. But see, here's the thing. And when we talk about the mental work that goes in on a consistent basis to help you build your confidence, in my mind, the way that I think about words that I don't necessarily hold a firm grasp on the definition, I guess I'll say is, I just think that it doesn't matter what I say, the audience will understand what I mean.
Troy Washington:And I'll tell myself that all the time. So what happens is when I say it, even when I might still have that inkling of doubt in my mind, the confidence that I've given myself by saying that everybody's gonna understand what I'm saying anyway, it comes to the surface. And then I always have an instant reaction because you keep the conversation going. So even if I didn't say it right and, again, I wasn't trying to call you out here, but I I just want to show you that, like, it takes a confidence to do anything, and it takes a work and it's not a hard work. It's a it's it's it's a consistent reminder to yourself that it's cool.
Troy Washington:It's good. I'm good. But go ahead, Jay.
JClay:Yeah. I'm I'm laughing because I just wanna just demonstrate it. Like, we are all powerful and. And no matter what prepostulates, we will always
Troy Washington:Real talk, though. And I feel you, though. And and that's the that's the bro, and, again, I I know that we're joking. Right? But just think about a baby talking that doesn't know how to talk.
Troy Washington:And a baby will look you dead in your face and say, like, and and and expect you to know. And the reality of it is, you know what happens? And I I I'm telling you just because I I witnessed it, bro. Like, with both my kids and I've seen this with other people's kids too. When they were kids and they would talk to us, other people couldn't understand them, but I could.
Troy Washington:Right? And there's been times where other people I've seen other people talk to their kids, and they can understand them, and I can't. And the reason why is because the baby is confident in knowing that if I do this enough, this person and, I'm not even saying that the baby is processing it. It's just confidence. They don't know anything else but confidence.
Troy Washington:They don't know anything else but I can do these things. And that's the reason why they're able to achieve the world so quickly. It's reason why they're able to walk so quickly. It's the reason why they're able to talk so quickly. It's the reason why they're able to start to do all of these difficult learn how to eat, learn how to like, because they don't know that it should be any other way.
Troy Washington:And so, you know, that's kinda how I like to think about that. It made me think about baby talk for sure.
JClay:Yeah. And even thinking about that, I got gotta bring up something that it just fascinates me. Like, everybody that talks, you learned a language from scratch. Like, I'm I'm I'm learning I'm still learning Spanish. Like, I do my Duolingo daily, but I'm I'm learning in reference to the words I know.
JClay:But, like, the words I know, how and and that just shows how amazing we really are. And that that doesn't just get cut off. I mean, we can make ourselves believers cut off. We could tell ourselves we're not smart. But, no, if you're communicating, if you're thinking in thoughts, if you're saying thoughts to yourself, you're smart because you learn to even do that out of nothing, out of nothingness.
JClay:You say, oh, I'm just gonna figure out a language and speak it and be able to convey my thoughts to others.
Troy Washington:Geez. And and and, again, this is going to bring me back to the point of we have to start truly realizing how amazing we are. We got to. Because, again, if if you don't give yourself a chance and I know how difficult it is to believe how amazing you are. You can think that you're good.
Troy Washington:You can feel good, but to think and realize that you are amazing is a whole another level to this. And I think that, like, the moment like, you have to give yourself every opportunity to see that truth. Right? And the moment you do that, that's when your world changes. That's when your your confidence goes to where it needs to go, but you have to start with realizing internal forces, internal mentality is the way that we have to approach it.
Troy Washington:And I challenge everybody that whenever you have an idea, don't ask anybody about it. I'm not I'm I'm just saying just to give yourself an opportunity to truly see what it feels like when you live in it without any outside oppositional forces. Because when you see that, things will start to line themselves up in such a way that you couldn't even believe. And, again, I I'm a use myself as an example. A question that I ask myself over and over again, bro, is I do all of this talking, and you know for forever.
Troy Washington:You know for a fact forever I've wanted to write a book. We talked about it many times over. And the thing is there's a lot of things that I think about when I think about writing a book that stops me every time. I've wrote a first page 20 times. 20 times.
Troy Washington:Right? So this last time, I decided I'm not gonna tell anybody. I'm telling you now because I'm far enough along to where I can do what I need to do because I've built the confidence. But I said, I'm not gonna tell anybody, and I'm gonna just go into this mug, and I'm a just be 100% real, and I'm just gonna see what come out. And once I did that, I was able to see all the other levels that came along with it because I didn't have anything that stopped me from looking down the pathway that I was looking at.
Troy Washington:So, you know, I I just encourage you, like Jay Clay said right there, you don't need permission. Do that. Live in that and see what happens. But go ahead, Jay.
JClay:Yeah. I'm I'm a big I'm big on, like, you can do anything right now without credentials. You don't need credentials to to stand behind or get behind and say, I'm I'm I'm this. I have this. Not to say there's anything wrong with it, but I I want people to to see, like, that doesn't have to stop you if you don't have this certification yet.
JClay:You could always get it later, but what you wanna do, people care about that more than your paper. Like, any any personal trainer or something I ever had, like, I never said, let me see your papers. Let me get this. I I I saw what they can do. I I I saw the confidence in their eyes.
JClay:I saw the enthusiasm of what was wanted, and we all see that all the time. We don't we don't need to know anything about a person to to know if we want to be around them or if we wanna work with them or just just anything because, again, you will know a person by their fruits. We we just ooze who we are, especially when we're confident. And so, yeah, you don't need permission. You are the permission.
JClay:Anything you wanna do right now, whether you have a backing for it, whether you have a a network, like you said, it will all just come together and align in the most beautiful way, but you have to decide.
Troy Washington:Yeah. And I and I and I would also tell you just based off what you're saying too, ride the wave. Like, you know, earlier in the conversation, I said, people are only giving you what you've been able to give to them or show them. Right? And so when somebody comes to you with all the energy in the world, you're supposed to ride that wave.
Troy Washington:You're supposed to allow that to help you propel yourself because what you should remember in the fact of it is they don't know these doubts that I have. They don't know these shortcomers I feel like I have, unless I unless you told them. But most most times we don't do that. And so because they're seeing all the good, maybe I should look there as well. Maybe I gotta get out of my own head and realize that I have everything I need.
Troy Washington:And then once you realize that you have everything you need, start to imagine yourself using all these tools and all of these feelings and all of these thoughts and reliving it over and over again. So that way, you can develop the confidence because that's what it's that's one of the things that it could take. But go ahead, Jay.
JClay:Yeah. It's funny you said that too that that nobody knows your fears and stuff. I've had instances where I've done something, you know, public or had to, like, give some kind of public talk or something. And it was like, man, you'd like you did you broke down the house or whatever. I was like, couldn't tell that I was nervous?
JClay:And it was like, nah. And but there have been times where I wasn't nervous, and then I'll hear my voice do that nervous shake. And I'm like, my voice shake like that? I'm not nervous. But then if I start thinking about it, it will make me nervous.
JClay:But it's it's because, again, of your thoughts. And that's that nervous shake is a funny thing, especially when you're not. But but yeah. But but I I I love that you pointed that out. Like, our our thoughts aren't conveyed unless we show them, unless we exemplify those well, give them a physical expression.
JClay:Yeah. Unless we express those thoughts, no one will know them in a sense.
Troy Washington:And and the reason why I keep, bringing that up is because something in us and I know this is not just me. Something in us naturally makes us feel that people can hear our thoughts. Something in us naturally makes us feel that people can see our shortcomings. Something in us naturally makes us feel that people can see the obstacles that I see in front of me. They it's it's it's like we're saying it in our head, and because it's loud in our head, we feel like everybody knows.
Troy Washington:But the reality of it is when we act, we never act out all these negative things. Now there are sometimes because because when we see somebody act out something negative, we all like, oh, never like, the person that killed everybody next door, nobody knew that he was a killer. They were like, man, I never even knew. He was just so we don't act out these things unless we're, like, nervous. You know, you've seen people nervous before on the stage, but you also look at them when you see them nervous.
Troy Washington:At least this is the one I've been able to witness in my life. When I've seen somebody nervous, somebody in the crowd always gives them energy to keep going. It's okay, baby. Take your time. When we see something that's we feel like it's not of a person, we're going to always give them the opposite.
Troy Washington:So there's a reason why you will see somebody cheer somebody on that sounds nervous, or they'll recognize, oh, that person was nervous, and they'll tell them afterwards, man, I saw you shaking, but guess what? You did so good. Because they don't know these things, and we have to stop making ourselves feel like the outside understands that. But go ahead, Jay.
JClay:Yeah. And and but but I will say this. So it it to a sense, to a degree, like, it's no private thoughts. And and what I mean is you only see it through the eyes of your thoughts and your beliefs. Yeah.
JClay:So, like, what you are giving off, you would you will get that version of those people. Like, you would get the version of those people like that. So, like, if you have no killer bone in your body, you could be around somebody who is essentially a killer, but around you, they won't show that. Like, I like, like, you will you can't believe how many times people told me, like, they'll curse, and they'll like, oh, I'm sorry. And and they they apologize to me because they know I don't curse, but I don't care if you curse.
JClay:Do Real
Troy Washington:talk, though.
JClay:Speak. You know what I mean? But it's it's you only bring that version based on what your thoughts are. So even if in those moments where you're you're not confident, but you quickly you either do it anyways, so you're exercising that confidence, or you change your thoughts in the moment, people are gonna respond to that. But if you were to dwell into that nonconfidence, people will respond to that too because that's the version.
JClay:So it's like you you have this power. You you do and you don't at the same time, if if that makes sense.
Troy Washington:No. No. No. I number one, I like the thought process of being nervous on stage because I think people can visualize it. Right?
Troy Washington:And you're right. When people recognize that and that's the point that I'm making. You cannot hide what's inside, like you said. Right? It's gonna automatically come out.
Troy Washington:If you're scared, if you put yourself in a situation you're not confident in, it's going to come out. So I e stepping on the stage, I was always nervous, and I did some things so that way I I didn't portray that while I was there. But if I don't do the right practice to get my confidence where it needs to be, then people will see it. But the beautiful part about it, and that's the part that I'm saying is that because we're naturally drawn to wanna see people do good or see the goodness in people, even though we think that people are looking at all the other things that we see, somebody will come and offset that that you've shown and say, man, you know what? I can tell you was nervous, but you killed that.
Troy Washington:You went hard. And I think that that's the part that we have to be able to do for ourself. That's how I'm able to maneuver when I feel like I'm nervous. I I'm gonna tell myself that that I know somebody's gonna come tell me. You know what, man?
Troy Washington:I know you nervous, but you're gonna go hard today. I know that you feel this way, but you're gonna shine today. And so what happens is whenever I step up on the stage, that doesn't mean that I don't have a moment where I'm nervous or I'm not shining, but there's gonna be a lot more where I am not nervous and I'm not and I am shining, and I expect that somebody's gonna come and tell me that. But go ahead, Jay.
JClay:Yeah. And and the world, like, it it's almost like it's the equalizer. Like, they bring you to to who you really are, you know, like, or who or who you accepted yourself to be in that moment. So, like, somebody telling you, man, you keep going. You got it.
JClay:Or but it's the same thing as, you know, somebody who's trying to act hard, who's not really that hard, and then somebody who really about it come like, man, shut up or something. And then you see them revert back to like, hi. Yeah. I'm a shut up. Like but it it's the it's the same thing.
JClay:It it it seems different in nature, but it's the world responding to what you're giving off and who you are at your core. And who you are at your core, it could be a peaceful, strong person. And so in those instances, like, you are you are given that encouragement to to be more of you, and I and I think it's beautiful. But, wow, we got a minute left. Thank you all.
JClay:Appreciate y'all. Go ahead, Troy.
Troy Washington:No. No. And, yeah, you know, I I know we can go forever, but I'm a just say, you know, if you feel like the show is helpful, please make sure you like, share, and subscribe. You can check out our YouTube shorts. You can check them out on Facebook, TikTok.
Troy Washington:And, you know, just let somebody know about it because, you know, if everybody you know, shout out to Didi. Each one, reach one, and we'll double the size of the audience in a week. And, you know, I just appreciate everybody joining us. And, Jay, you can go ahead and take us out, baby.
JClay:Yeah. You're a perfect creation made by a perfect creator, so you might as well accept your perfection and enter perfect mode. Yeah. Yeah.
Troy Washington:I'll let y'all.
JClay:If I reminded you that you are perfect, you argue me down or step into your perfection? Welcome
JClay:to perfect tomorrow. To perfect tomorrow. But there
JClay:are no excuses, no expectations, and we explore the world without limitations. I'm Jay Clay, rapper, a spiritual teacher,
