S5E23: The Self-Care Ritual You’ve Been Overlooking - Thinking Differently
If I reminded you that you are perfect, would you argue me down or step into your perfection? Welcome to perfect, where there are no excuses, no I'm Jay Clay, rapper, and spiritual teacher with my cohost Troy Washington, your friendly neighborhood realtor. Let's be real. So let's be perfect. Perfect.
JClay:Perfect.
JClay:Perfect. Perfect. Yo. Yo. Yo.
JClay:What's up? What's up? What's up? Happy day. Happy Sunday in perfect mode land.
JClay:You are at the perfect place at the perfect time, ready to accept your perfection. And I am your host, J Clay, spiritual rapper and teacher. I'm holding it down by myself right now as Troy is leading a team to a championship victory, and he should be on in about ten to fifteen minutes. So I'll I'll hold it down for now. But in the meantime, be sure to share, like, comment, subscribe, all that good stuff.
JClay:And, yeah, click the link as well just to subscribe so you can get this everywhere and anywhere. And, yeah, today's topic is the self care ritual you've been overlooking, thinking differently. So we all got our rituals and things. We all got our things we do daily. Like, I shave, shower.
JClay:You know, some people don't shower daily. I I can't lie. Sometimes I I don't when it's when it's, like, real cold outside. I ain't going nowhere. But, anyway, anyway, but we all have our our daily rituals.
JClay:But with our mind, we don't always take time to detox from things or just just take care of it in the way that it needs to be. So everything that we experience is tied to a thought. Even feelings, even though, you know, we have feelings, those are all tied to thoughts. And when we feel good, we we think positive thoughts around it. When we feel bad, we think negative thoughts about about it around it.
JClay:And it's tough to know whether which comes first. Is it the feeling that comes first or the thought that comes first? No matter which comes first, we feel it the strongest. And if we could direct our thoughts somewhat so that we always experience the good feeling this, circumstances almost won't matter. So one thing I I just want everybody to just kinda think about right now is what's one thought pattern you've had since childhood that you've never questioned ever?
JClay:And what's what's what's important about this is when we grow up, we start to learn things. We learn things about the world. We we experience certain things. We take on meanings. And when we start off, we have, like, a clean slate.
JClay:So we're very impressionable, and we just take on. We're like, oh, so that's the truth. That's the truth. But unless we revisit some of these thoughts with a more seasoned mind, with a more wise mind, we may end up living according to a a three year old mindset in a sense. And I and I know that sounds crazy, but it is it really is true.
JClay:This is a mild example. And I probably shared this on here before. But I remember growing up and I asked my dad after the winter, like, how does how do the trees grow back green? Like, how does it know to grow back green after the winter winter was over? And he said, if you look real closely, you'll see a little green bug that will crawl on the tree, and I don't know if you said plant a seed or something, and then the the it will grow green again.
JClay:So for years after that, I was looking for that bug. Like, I was really looking for the bug. It it was no Internet back then. There were encyclopedias, but what do you just look for? Like, a a bug that that plants green seeds?
JClay:So, after a while, I I I I thought about it, and I was like, man, I think he just told me that to just just so I'll be quiet for the for the moment. And then I asked him again, and he just laughed. So but I said it to say that there's so many instances of that. And and, again, the people involved is not necessarily meant to be malicious. They could believe it too.
JClay:It could be siblings. It could be friends. They heard something from someone else, and it made such an impression on us. And we lived our life according to it that we didn't even stop for a second to to even know if there was truth to it. So, so so one of the first things I wanna discuss is redefining self care.
JClay:Self care as we know it is taking time out to just take care of ourselves. Make sure we're good, make make sure we're good, make sure we're, at ease, make sure we have peace, make sure there's no stress, that we're healthy, that we're we're we're we're breathing in clean air, drinking plenty of fluids, water preferably. You know, just you're getting good nutrients and nutrition in, but we never think take time to really think about our thoughts and the the the role it plays, the goal it plays. And the important things about our thoughts let me say this. Okay?
JClay:Anybody that knows me knows this phrase changed my life forever. Watch your thoughts for they become your words. Watch your words for they become your actions. Watch your actions for they become your habits. Watch your habits for it becomes your character.
JClay:Watch your character for it becomes your destiny. And
Troy Washington:all from
JClay:a lonely thought, a little thought that you thought think repeatedly, that you think frequently, it kind of becomes your frequency, the vibration that you resonate at. And that thought can bring with it adjacent thoughts. It can bring cousins with it, family members that make it easier to think certain thoughts and get you to go down a certain pathway or a certain pattern. So for example, once I decided that every comp that that every person has joy in them, that every person has love in them, that every person is good on some level, it's easier for me to see them as that and bring adjacent thoughts to it so that they can only reflect that to me. Even if they say something that others would see as off putting, it wouldn't matter because I decided through my thoughts that this is what I'm gonna see.
JClay:This is what I'm gonna experience. I set my thought pattern. I set it through intention, but it it brought brought in like thoughts. And I've been in situations where me and someone else experienced the same person or the same situation, and they saw it as a maybe a bad thing or a negative thing. But, again, they were only seeing through the eyes of their thoughts.
JClay:And if we don't check our thoughts, if we don't take time to really just see what we're thinking and and understanding that the thought has no power, meaning, like, we we control the thoughts and we can change the thought, we can change it in our experience of a situation. So a lot of times when we get mad at someone, it's because of their actions, right, or their words. They said something that we didn't like. They did an action that we didn't like. And it's not them that we're mad at.
JClay:It's our thought. It's it's the thought that came into mind of what this means. Like, we are the definer of our reality. We've defined everything. Now I know you can go Google a definition of something, but those words mean something specifically to you.
JClay:And it's even in your speech and the things that you say. For instance, it's perfect example. I was at the basketball court today, and lately, because it's it's warm again here in Houston, so many people come into the court. So if you lose, you gotta wait a long time. And this one guy, he was angry.
JClay:He said, man, same thing every week. And and I thought to myself, I'm like, it is the same thing every week, but that's not a bad thing. It's a good thing. We get to play every week. We get to exercise.
JClay:We get to try new things on the basketball court, but he saw it as when you lose, you gotta wait, like, three or four games if that to even, you know, try to play again. So it so so that's what I mean. Like, that you can have the same phrase but different meanings. And when you kinda check-in with yourself with with certain words mean to you, you get to redefine your life literally. And those definitions bring about a new experience.
JClay:So but the but the problem is we're so we're so not used to controlling our thoughts. We think our thoughts control us. So some some people's own thoughts are their own enemies in some ways, and that's that's so that's so crazy to think about because these are your thoughts. Like, they are yours. You own them.
JClay:You control them the same way that you own and control your body. Your body responds to your mind. You tell it to lift its arm, it lifts its arm. We don't know how we do this. It's it's it's automatic now.
JClay:It became habit the same way that thought. We we once had to really think of how to walk, how to talk, but now we just do it. It's like we manifested in every moment. And anything we want to create manifest, we can do that at any moment as well. And it's it's a it's a very beautiful thing.
JClay:And I'm about to bring in Troy because he came in. Yo. Yo. Troy, what's what's happening?
Troy Washington:What's the word, baby? I
JClay:could barely hear you. Say say something say something?
Troy Washington:Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
JClay:Cool. Cool. Well, first off, what's happening? Did y'all win?
Troy Washington:Yeah. We we won. What was the score? 30 to eight. 30 to eight.
Troy Washington:30 to eight. 30 to eight.
JClay:And this is the championship?
Troy Washington:No. This was, Brody's, game before his, playoffs.
JClay:Ah, okay. Okay. My bad viewers. I I I I told people you was leading them to another championship.
Troy Washington:Well, I guess to speak on that, we actually had a championship game yesterday for TJ, and they ended up we ended up winning second in the district. So we, we were area champions, but we were second regional. So yeah.
JClay:Okay. Tight. Tight. Beautiful. So yeah.
JClay:Right right now, we're just talking about, you know, the topic, the self care ritual you've been overlooking thinking differently. And, I've been speaking about, like, what redefining self care looks like. And so let yeah. Let's let's why don't you kick it out? What would, what does it mean to you?
Troy Washington:Self care.
JClay:Like redefining it?
Troy Washington:Well, and that's what I'm thinking. Like, when I think about redefining what self care means or what I thought it meant before was, you know, taking off from work, you know, being able to just sit in the house, not do anything, somebody bringing me something to eat. You know, that's that's the way that whenever I first heard it or the way that I've witnessed it from other people, what self care means. But when I think about it, self care is, for me, is more
JClay:We lost your audio a bit. No. We can't hear you. You're gone. There you go.
Troy Washington:You can't hear me now? Yeah. But, yeah, it's more about, you know, mental work. The the the the mentality of how I'm thinking about where I am. And that and that's pretty much how I I view self care at this present time.
JClay:Okay. And and how would you redefine it in terms of thinking differently now? Like like, do you do you take thoughts into consideration at all? Or are you
Troy Washington:Thoughts are the only thing that are in consideration because it's more about what am I thinking about, I'm trying to get this camera right. What am I thinking about how I feel about myself? What am I thinking about how I feel about my circumstances? What am I thinking about how I feel about the situations that I find myself in? And that's, again, reframing them to be first of all, understanding where it is and reframing them to be exactly where I want them to be.
JClay:Gotcha. So, another thing that, that I wanna speak about is this how the mind the mind is a garden of sorts. And when you think of a garden, you know, you you think of vegetation. You think of things that grow. You think of flowers, plants, that you water, that you you seed.
JClay:You you know, you plant the seed in the dirt. You water it, give it plenty of sunlight, and it blossoms into certain things. And the mind is no different because even a single thought can blossom into the greatest thing. Like, everything that we do well, it started from a thought. Even music.
JClay:I I I love music, and I was like, man, I wanna make music one day, but I never knew a path to it. But the thought was I'm gonna figure out a way to do music one day. And I I figured it out, but there were other things that I was like, it's not possible for me to do this. I haven't figured it out yet. And, again, that's because that both thoughts blossomed.
JClay:Whatever thoughts you have, it's going to be true to you as long as you accept it as true, as long as you water it and and give it plenty of sunlight or which is the same as focus. But as soon as you change that up and focus on what you want, those things blossomed as well.
Troy Washington:And I and I and this is just a question for you. Have you ever tried to time frame it, with the mentality changing? Have you ever tried the time frame? You know what I mean? Like, say, okay.
Troy Washington:I put my mind to this. I know that it's going to be true, but I only given it this amount of time, and I'm just wondering.
JClay:I think I I think I see what you're saying. Yes and no. So okay. I'm really thinking about it. So, yes, in the terms of I'm saying by this time, yes.
JClay:I'm I'm gonna I'm gonna embody this. This is gonna be my world. I'm gonna make sure of it. But when I put a a stipulation, like, if it don't happen by this time, I'm done with it, then it it never really happens by that time. Like, it's rare that it happens by that time because I I don't really believe in it because I'm only giving it a time frame.
JClay:Is that what you're asking?
Troy Washington:You're not. That's exactly what I'm asking and exactly where I wanted to go. And, again, when we're talking about reframing our thought process or the the thought process of self care, that's a part of it. Because a lot of times, when you've proclaimed or you set yourself down and said, hey. This is what I'm doing.
Troy Washington:This is my self care. This is the way that I see this. Then we say, but there has to be a result within this time frame. I think you remove yourself from the self care and move yourself into a realm of caring about what other people think or caring about what people think about results. And and you take yourself out of being 100% in to, being conditional.
Troy Washington:And I guess that's the way that I think about it.
JClay:Yeah. Agreed. Especially when, like, let's say using the analogy of the mind is a garden. If you have two flowers or two plants with conflicting ideas, the one that you show more attention to that you shine more light on, that you give more sunlight, that one is probably gonna grow bigger in your garden. So it's it's it's important to not not I wouldn't even say pluck them out because it takes a, an amount of attention to deroot or deplant something when you can just give more attention to that what you want and let those other thoughts just kinda fend for themselves.
JClay:Like, just allow them to be as you would as you wanna be treated. Like, you wanna be allowed to be. Everyone else wants you to be allowed to be, so don't uproot them. Don't potentially kill those thoughts. Just make sure you're focusing more on the thoughts that can lead you to your bright ideas.
JClay:I mean, lead you to to your to the life you want.
Troy Washington:Yeah. No. And and I agree with you and just kinda to piggyback on the uprooting part of the thoughts. Also, in self care, realizing that you are where you are for a reason no matter what. Right?
Troy Washington:And then versus plucking out what we would call weeds, finding out their purpose, finding out what value because everything provides a value, you know, no matter what. And I think, finding out the value in those things is important. Because, again, you know, when I try to frame this, I think it's all a part of a self care process. Because, again, a lot of times when we're living in a world that we haven't deemed to be the world that we wanna live in, it's all because of the way that we thought about the value that it actually provides to us.
JClay:Yeah. Agreed. So let okay. Let let's let's talk about what what can be very helpful right now is breaking these mental patterns. And so, for example, what I mean by mental pattern is you know how well, before you came on, I was talking how, like, every thought comes with it, it's associated thoughts or, like, it's cousins.
JClay:It's it's it's it's it's it's siblings, you know, things that that are very related to it. And so I've seen firsthand in myself and others where whatever you're thinking picks up steam. So let's say you're worrying about something like, man, so and so is not here. Maybe something happened. Then you start thinking of all the possible things that can happen that are on that negative trajectory if that was the trajectory that you started on.
JClay:But if you had then said, oh, something something crazy must have happened, and they'll be here, you know, any second or it or, you know, they they probably got caught up or in traffic or something. You have adjacent thoughts to that, but it won't necessarily be the negative one. Or you can think, they get here when they get here. They always get here on time. Things always work out for me, and you have adjacent thoughts to that.
JClay:And you can get caught up in these loops, but it's important to to choose the loop or choose the pattern, or recognize when you're in a pattern that you don't want because it can't do anything but bring more circumstances and experiences to you of that like nature.
Troy Washington:So I'm a tell you what's funny about this. The thought that was going through my head well, it's funny. About adjacent and just all the adjacent thoughts that came to my head while you were saying it. That's number one. But to your point, I I think about all the times where I've been actually in in traffic or I've been driving.
Troy Washington:And somebody's in front of me, and they just moving along at whatever pace they feel like they want to. Speed limit 45, but they driving 30. Or, you know, vice versa, they driving too fast. And in my mind, there's always a an instant reaction where, oh, they tripping. They ain't got nothing else to do.
Troy Washington:Like, it's it's all of these different things. And from that, I start spawning all other kinda ideas about what they have going on. And but what I've done to challenge myself is I always try to come up with the best reason for them to be doing what they're doing. So I say, you know what? They got a baby in the car, and they're not trying to shake up the baby's brain.
Troy Washington:Right? And and and, like, to your point, my adjacent mind starts to run on its own. Now I might not be acknowledging it, but when I say it starts to run on on its own, it starts to relieve me of the tension of the stress. And this is, again, self care. So now I'm more relaxed.
Troy Washington:And even no matter how much they're driving at that point, how slow they're driving or how fast they're driving at that point, I'm free. And, it's all because of the reframing of the mind.
JClay:Yeah. And to that, we've we've programmed certain feelings to accompany certain thoughts. So when you think certain thoughts, automatically, you start feeling the feeling. So like you said, in traffic, I've done that as well where some you you perceive someone did something stupid or something that you don't like, and you're ready to just go off. You're like, I can't believe you did this dumb thing and you you're feeling angry.
JClay:You you're feeling that poor. You feel like you wanna retaliate in some way. Like, just so many things come to mind and that doesn't serve you. Like, no good can come out of of that retaliation or or these thought patterns. And so how can we either reprogram or deprogram ourselves so that we can break this cycle, or or make sure that we can direct it to how we want it?
Troy Washington:I I think I think that's that's the the practice part of of it all. Because, again, just using traffic as the example, like the story that I told you, there have been plenty of times where I've been caught up in traffic and what I had to do because, again, one of the things that I am the most I don't I'm the most unhappy about is traffic. I don't like being in traffic. Right? But what I've what I started to do is and this is something that you probably heard people do, and I heard people do it, which is the reason why I started to say it.
Troy Washington:The reason why I'm in this traffic because it's stopping me from getting into something else that I shouldn't wouldn't have wanted to be in in the first place. And so in that moment, again, this is a, the the the traffic didn't change. My circumstances didn't change. But the simple fact that I told myself that the reason I'm here is so that way I don't receive trouble. And, again, I'm not telling you to think about trouble, but I'm just saying for myself, so I don't receive any trouble down the line, it reframes and changes the way that I feel about where I'm at.
Troy Washington:And it also actually changes where I'm at because it's no longer traffic anymore. You know what I mean?
JClay:Yeah. No. I I I do. And so I I kinda I kinda wanna break down that even further. So in order to do what you did, you have to, on some level, be conscious of your thoughts, to even to even know that you're going down the stream.
JClay:And I and I guess I guess I'm trying to figure out, like, what's the best way for someone to even be conscious of their thoughts to to put that little break in there, you know, to stop things. Shout out to Sarah.
Troy Washington:What up, Sarah? I would tell you, again, that's where checking your emotions and understanding. Whenever there's an emotion that you show that is not of you, and that's that's the part of recognizing who you are. Like, I know that I didn't wanna be mad in these instances. I know I don't wanna be frustrated.
Troy Washington:And and and then I get to ask myself, but why would I be mad? Why would I be frustrated? And I think that, in any given situation, when you you find yourself, you can you know what your your level set is. You know what your baseline is. And if you if you're not in your baseline, it should give you cause to pause to look.
JClay:I I love that that you're not at your level set, your baseline. So okay. Let's talk about that then. There there was there was well, actually, let me let me ask everybody this. Like, what's what's the last time that, a thought completely changed?
JClay:When was the last time that you completely changed your mind about something? Like, what triggered that shift? So just for anybody watching, if you wanna share, just just think about that. And I'm gonna share two thoughts that, that had a big change in me. The number one
Troy Washington:I'll go ahead. Go ahead.
JClay:Yeah. The the first is that our natural state is happy and peaceful. Like, that's just our natural state. That's just where we're supposed to be. That's just it.
JClay:And and and one of the ways it impacted me was like, what? Well, like, I I thought you had to work to get here. I thought you got it. It's like, no. You're supposed to be here.
JClay:And the second thing is you're not supposed to get sick ever. Like and and I remember because I used to get so sick so much as a kid, like, at least once a year, I thought it was just something you have to go through. Like, oh, here's my here's my right of passage of being sick this year. I just have to have it. But once I I figured once I I accepted the idea, accepted the thought that I didn't have to get sick anymore, there was a change.
JClay:There was a change in my behavior. There was a change in things. It's like, okay. Well, how can I ensure this if I'm supposed to never be sick? And and it it's just funny how, like, these shifts can can take place and and do things in your mind.
JClay:But go ahead.
Troy Washington:No. No. No. I I'm with you. And, funny is I think about drinking alcohol.
Troy Washington:Right? Yeah. And the reason why I bring this up is because you're talking about a time where your mental shift changed everything. And the reason why again, with drinking, I've had that shift three or four times. And what I mean is there's a time where I was just like, drinking is crazy.
Troy Washington:Don't do it. This is the dumbest thing ever. Just being judgmental of the circumstances. Again, part of that is when you talk about baseline and level set, it was built on how I felt about the people around me that were drinking in the way that they acted at the time.
JClay:Yeah.
Troy Washington:But then again, a time happens where I and I don't know if it's because I witnessed, the love or I witnessed the joy. But there there's a time when me and you, when that's decided we go out of town, and we lived it up. And then my entire dynamic of the way that I thought about drinking changed. Right? But, but then I have a son.
Troy Washington:You know, my wife tells me that she's pregnant with with TJ. And immediately, because of my emotions being tied to it, the way that I felt about it changed. And I was like, I don't wanna drink. I don't wanna do none of that. And so, you you know, life events or things can come along that trigger you to move a certain way.
Troy Washington:And it's it's no. Neither right nor wrong, but I think that's what's important again is going back and checking your baseline and then understanding. Okay? Self care. Where do I want to be?
Troy Washington:And and giving yourself an opportunity to find it.
JClay:I'm glad you said that. That's a good point. Sometimes life will get you to change your mind. Like like, I know you didn't say it like that, but but that's what I got from you. How certain, like, life circumstances can bring about a change.
JClay:Because there there have been times where, again, you, like, you you feel so terrible when something happens and you're like, man, how could this have happened? I this this is out of nowhere. You feel bad. You know? You just have you just feel distraught.
JClay:But then come to find out that was the best thing possible because it got you to shift a lot of thoughts at once. Like, it it's nothing like a a life changing event or just just something just really not going according to plan that it gets you to change your whole life. And I I say that to to to say that, you know, if anybody is watching is going through it, going through something like this, just know that this was for a reason. This is for your highest good because your natural baseline is to be happy, is to be peaceful, is to be full of joy. And this is like, okay.
JClay:You're going down this wrong path. Let's reset you. I'm just gonna shake things up real quick. And I appreciate life for that. I appreciate God for that.
JClay:Like, it is it I don't I I can't say that I always appreciate it in the moment, but because of the experience of having these things happen a certain number of times in my life, like, I I no longer doubt these situations, and I now have a positive thought assigned to it. So, yeah, I'm I'm glad you brought that up about about rolling into life events when they happen to allow yourself to allow your thoughts to change.
Troy Washington:And and I wanted to wait till my boy got out of the car just to say this one last part because they just got out.
JClay:Yeah.
Troy Washington:But, again, the last trigger and, again, this is about level setting and understanding, who you are. Right? I I told you how I had the phase where I didn't drink. The reason why I didn't drink is because I was driving one day. I went to a party.
Troy Washington:I I told you this story. I went to a party, and I happened to be the designated driver this day. And, again, designated driver back then is not the same as it is now, at least based off my understanding. But, you know, we all went to go drunk drink, and we were messed up. And when we got in the car to leave, I'm driving.
Troy Washington:Now mind you, I'm still I still have it out here so that way I can actually have these thought processes myself. But I think to myself, dang. Everybody in the car has passed out throwing up, and I messed up too. I really can end everybody's life today on accident because I'm not in the right state of mind. And from that moment, for myself, the baseline was saying I'm not in the right state of mind.
Troy Washington:Troy getting the right state of mind, and it changed me. It changed me. Self care was you always wanna be in this right state of mind. So, therefore, my mentality around drinking changed dramatically. You know what I'm saying?
Troy Washington:And so that's what I meant by, you know, something altering, but me also coming back and finding out what makes sense to me. And it doesn't mean it had to be like that for forever other than, the love and the, the joy that we talk about. We'll go ahead.
JClay:Yeah. So speaking of that, just to share, my experiences with, like, you know, just different substances and things. One of the things that I realized about myself, like, if I was to try drinking or or try weed or something, like, every time I try to get back to my baseline while on that. You know what I mean? So it's it's like, what's the point of doing that if I'm still taking control of my thoughts?
JClay:And it's harder now to take control of my thoughts because it's like, what is going on right now? It's I gotta really I have to use all my willpower and all my focus to get control of my thoughts again. And it's like, why even why even put yourself through that? Like, be because at least where I'm at right now is I love to have control of my thoughts because I see how each thought can lead to an outcome or or not even an outcome. It leads to to me experiencing the world a certain way.
JClay:Just to get a little deeper for a second or or do a thought experiment. One one of the things that has been said is in this life is just you and God. Like, I mean, we all exist, but we only see the version like, I only see the version of you that my thoughts allow. Like like, how I defined you in your mind is how you can ever be to me, even if you're something totally different with other people. So, like, I could be like, man, Troy, that's that's my dude.
JClay:Like, he he's a great guy, but they could be somebody that's be like, nah, man. Troy, like, this dude is terrible. Or but but, again, like, it's but but but because of my thoughts for certain things and certain feelings and the type of people I think belong in the world and all of that, like, I experience that and the opposite of that. Like, that that and not that. And we all do.
JClay:So, like, how I see the color red might be how you see the color green, but it's all you knew as red. So it we still identify the same color even though we see things differently. And so it it's just an interesting thought experiment to do to just realize, like, all of this I'm experiencing is just really my own thoughts. I'm I'm seeing my own thoughts personified. I'm seeing who I think I I am, the reflection of it, through the eyes of others or all these other things.
JClay:But go ahead.
Troy Washington:You know, what what again, the thing that comes to my mind is because I'm literally in control of the way some other people see the world. And, I'm talking about my kids. And it's funny because, I don't know what their perspective is in a lot of instances because they will ask me, why do you do this? Or why is this? Or why does this look like this?
Troy Washington:And the way that I interpret that is this is something that they're witnessing that they've never witnessed before. And so in those moments, I have the opportunity to shape their mind and also reshape my own. And, it it's just it's just funny how, we don't, realize a lot of times and and, again, for a kid, they they can easily come to me and ask the question. But as adults, we don't when we witness things, we don't necessarily always lean to anybody else to get anybody else perspective. We try to process it on our own.
Troy Washington:And so to the point that you're making, like, for me, it's like, why would you not process it in such a way that's beneficial to you? That you know? And, again, when I think about self care, you where is there anything wrong with you looking at anything in the brightest way or wanting or like, what did you say on the on the song that we just did? How you you the way you start the song, you it's it's a I can't say calling that, but, on high vibe. What was the first line you said you don't know?
Troy Washington:I already know. But you but you said something that's so real to what I'm
JClay:telling you. I love peace. I love me. Yeah. Yeah.
Troy Washington:But what what did you say at the I love peace. I love you.
JClay:I love me. I love what I love. Why is that so unique?
Troy Washington:So unique. Why why like, straight up, though. But but that but that's the point. Like, when I talk about self care, it's not going to look like other people thinks that it's supposed to look. Right?
JClay:Yeah.
Troy Washington:But that's okay. Go ahead.
JClay:Yeah. And and so one one thing I was thinking about when you said you're in control of how others see reality, I was like, can anybody really be in control of someone else's? So I was thinking back when I was a kid. And in my household, there are certain things that it's easy to fall into that hypnotic rhythm of because that's just the the overall opinion of the household. But I still remember how there were a lot of things I just accepted, and there were some things that I didn't accept.
JClay:And and I was wondering, like, what is that? What would cause me to not accept it? Or not I wouldn't even say accept it. I was curious about it. Like, nah.
JClay:That can't be the definite answer. But I'm I'm not gonna say that this is not the answer, but I'm just gonna explore it. And and I think what you what you kinda brought up is, like, the role of curiosity. When we're kids, we're very curious. Like, we don't we don't close a door just once we get the answer or an answer.
JClay:We're still curious. We still our mind is open. You know? We're we're we're open to experiences. We are open to trying new things, to being a new type of person.
JClay:But many times as an adult, once you receive an answer, you close that door. Or, like, especially if it's an answer you don't want, you just shut it and you just you accept it. You just like, that's it. Instead of, you know, just being curious to explore things. And and I would say, especially being a father and seeing it firsthand, how would you explain the role of curiosity in changing the way you see things and changing how you experience or could lead you to the life that you want?
Troy Washington:So so two things here. Number one, when you said as adults, we end up closing the door, and you're right. But I think a a a a piece to that is we close the door based off of our own interpretation of life on things that we've seen historically through time. Right? So, like, I've I I'm not going to go ask anybody anything because I saw x y and z my entire life, and that's just the way that it goes.
Troy Washington:Yeah. Right? I got it. So I'm gonna close the door myself. But for a kid, when you talk about their curiosity doesn't end, you're right because they haven't seen enough examples of what's been told or what's been shown.
Troy Washington:So what happens is when Brody comes to me, he says that why do we do this? And I say, well, this is the reason why we do this because this this this and this. Right? Well, what I I've witnessed is whenever those, situations present themselves again with other kids or other adults, there's always an moment for my kid. And one or two things happens.
Troy Washington:He's either going to buy into what I said, or he's going to look and see what's happening and see the results of what's happening to see where that falls in line with what I said. And if he sees the results and he says, oh, that wasn't good for that person specifically, he would then say, well, leaning more toward my dad's side, this is the way that this is, and this is why. But if he sees that it was good based off his own interpretation, then he says, My dad says something not saying good. He says and when you talk about stroking curiosity, that's where the experimentation happens. And that's where kids got the up on us in comparison to an adult who's already deemed everything its end.
Troy Washington:Right? Or a finite or where it's going to be. But go ahead, Jay.
JClay:So so check this out. And it this is the tricky thing about all of this. Right? So the the the same way we talked about how your thoughts lead to your destiny through going through words, actions, and and then those things becoming habits automatic and, lead to your character and destiny. The same way that thoughts that attract adjacent thoughts, those thoughts lead to you experiencing reality in a certain way.
JClay:So once you experience reality in a certain way, it's easier for you to do it again. And the more you keep responding to it the same way, the easier it is to happen again until it almost becomes habit. It's like reality your reality is just a habit after a certain point. And so so you you could be thinking that you're learning from the experience of past events, but you're in a sense perpetuating it, making it happen, by by always responding to it to a certain way. So it's it's interesting how we get our knowledge.
JClay:We're like, man, I showed you. I you could see. It always happen. It's always like this. I know what I'm talking about, but it's you know what you're talking about because you are the definer of it.
JClay:You are the the creator of it. You're the cocreator of it. And so it it's important to, at any given moment, almost, like, take ourselves out of time and and get our thoughts together that we want to think and then practice it so that then this reality can become, can become a habit.
Troy Washington:And I and I'll say this too. So number one, I love the thought process of your reality being a habit. I love that. And the reason why I say that is because to me and my interpretation of life, the leading cause to depression is that habit. And the reason why I say that is because people find themselves they're in that hypnotic rhythm that you talk about or they're in that habit, and they can't see beyond that.
Troy Washington:And so what happens is my habitual nature of living, do I wanna do this again tomorrow? Do I wanna do this again the next day? Nothing's gonna change. And so because I haven't got to the point of self care and realizing my true capacity that I can change the dynamic of a situation just by thought is the reason why I'm trapped in the the the space that I'm trapped in. But go ahead, Jay.
JClay:Yeah. So okay. This this brings us to this, the daily mental detox. Like, because like you said, some people are in the in the in the the hypnotic rhythm that things aren't changing. Things aren't gonna change anytime soon.
JClay:They can't change. But as we have shown, like, any moment right now, you can you can make a change so that you start a new pattern. You start a new rhythm, but you have to kinda be diligent in it in the beginning because it hasn't take it hasn't taken the shape of a pattern yet, of a of a habit yet. And so what could that look like for people, to to say, you know what? I you're right.
JClay:I'm tired of this. I I wanna see, do I have the power that you say that I have? I wanna test this for myself. What can I do now? What can I do today to start to change things in my direction?
Troy Washington:Honestly, bro, what I would say to that is if if you're if you're taking that type of attitude right now, the attitude that you're talking about, then don't be afraid. You know, you know, one of the things that we do all the time is fast. Right? And the only reason I do that is because you get instant gratification when you fast, at least personally. It might not be the way, but if you're really, like, being you can you can see instantly your body change.
Troy Washington:Right? Like, and so I I think that if you're if you're trapped in a daily mental, jail cell or hell cell, try something new and pay close attention to it. Allow your thoughts to dwell on it. Something that you're not used to, something that you've already kind of killed in your mind as a something that can never be a part of my world. And just do it and allow yourself to actually, be it.
Troy Washington:You know what I mean? But go ahead, Jay.
JClay:Yeah. Something I I wanna say something real quick. A side note when you brought up jail cell or hell cell. I always made this correlation. Like, we have cells in our body, but these cells, like, we lose hundreds of thousands of cells a day and we regenerate hundreds of thousands of cells a day.
JClay:And I don't think it's a coincidence that that word is cell. Like, you know, a sale can hold things in place. Can you know? And so as we change beliefs, we lose the associated sales. As we want new beliefs, we we grow certain sales to manifest those beliefs in in a sense.
JClay:So I just want to say that. But yeah. But but also to your point, like, to me, fasting as far as mental is even though fasting works on your mental as well, really taking the time to quiet your thoughts. I I can't stress this enough. Even even if it's thirty seconds, everybody got thirty seconds.
JClay:Everybody got a minute. I don't care how busy you. You got a minute. Typically, you should do this, ten to fifteen minutes a day. But even if you have a minute, like, just really sit quietly and just practice quieting your thoughts because what this does is show you how much how in control you actually are.
JClay:Like, you don't have to be a slave to your thoughts. You don't have to be a victim to your thoughts. You can direct them. You can control them. And once you learn to to quiet those existing thoughts or or recognize them for what they are, like, they're just a thought.
JClay:It's just this this is not happening right now. This is just a thought and watch it pass by. You can you you can start making a new pattern where now you have a clean slate to insert whatever thoughts you wanna insert.
Troy Washington:So so I I love that. And and, again, I'm still gonna go back to the fasting, but I wanna, say this in a part to that. Like, the thought process of giving yourself the minute, the two minutes, the fifteen minutes every day, the easiest way that I found for myself to do it is to do it right when I first wake up, before my mind starts, going rampant. Right? Because at nighttime, for whatever reason, I'm always thinking about what I'm a what tomorrow is gonna bring.
Troy Washington:What am I gonna do? What but when I first wake up in the morning, before I start moving, I literally sit down and I, first of all, try to tell myself that I'm great. I I I tell myself that, I'm amazing, and then I try to sit quietly, because I haven't, I guess, activated the the the action part of my day. So I that's just a a way that I encourage people to do it. And then back to the fasting part of it, the quieting your mind when you're hungry, if you're able to do it, you have to understand how powerful that is.
Troy Washington:Because when when you put yourself in a situation, all you do is crave something and you wanna and you make yourself stop, you'll show yourself something. I promise you that. But go hey, Jay.
JClay:Yeah. No. That that that is true because it because at any moment, you know, you can you can end the hunger pains by just going to eat. But if you're saying no, I'm fasting for whatever purposes you're fasting for, and then you you're able to then quiet though those hunger pains, it's like, man, this is this is amazing.
Troy Washington:Yeah. Yeah.
JClay:And and I agree with you about when you first wake up. Like, that's when I'm in bed, that's when I kinda set my intentions for the day. I get myself right. I won't allow myself to get out of bed till I set some intentions for myself. But I I'll say also before going to sleep, I've started setting the intention of I'm gonna have great restful sleep, and I have been ever since I've been doing that.
JClay:But but also, I know it's still on the mental detox. What I've started doing the past three months is at 04:00 every day, I'll just go in the closet, sit quietly, quiet my thoughts. Sometimes I'm in there for, like, twenty minutes. Other times, I'm in there for, like, four or five minutes. And it it works because, like, at that's that's kinda what I'm I'm switching from my work into my just the rest of the day, whatever I wanna do for the rest of the day.
JClay:And I sometimes have to shake all of that mental debris out, and that's a good way to do it. So so midday breaks is is a good way. So what would you say then about, like, then inputting new thoughts? Like, how can you practice thought patterns? Yeah.
Troy Washington:Yeah. I think the best way for me is just not being afraid of the outcome of it. Because, again, when you when you're when you try to input a new thought that's not what you're accustomed to, number one, the only reason that you wouldn't have done it in the beginning is because the results you don't believe in yet. Like, you don't you don't believe that if I do this thing, that which I have decided is gonna come from it is gonna really come. Right?
Troy Washington:And so I think that a part of that is giving yourself the opportunity to trust yourself. Just like, again, it's not that we don't have this behavior already. Like, everything that we're doing, we had a belief in, and then we executed and we have it. So it's not like I'm telling you to practice a behavior of something that you don't do on a consistent basis all the time. But it's just when those new thoughts come in the process, you're forgetting you're forgetting that you're already doing that.
Troy Washington:And so I just encourage that whenever you decide, just like with me and the fast, I'm a do a three day fast. And when at the end of this three day fast, I'm gonna be more attuned to myself. I'm going to be I'm a lose five pounds. I'm gonna be stronger mentally. And, again, these are all, in a sense, kinda subjective thinking type of things, so there's really no true way to quantify it.
Troy Washington:So that's the reason why you can come to the end of it and not feel exactly the way that you said you're gonna feel unless you unless you allow yourself to have that. And so that's why I say just trust in what you're saying and allow those things to be, and it'll start to make the way that everything else in your life is making. Go ahead, Jay.
JClay:Yeah. So so today, I I I wanna talk about the the influence of language on thought. So, we off we're very fortunate to have language. And what I mean by that is, like, when we when we think now, we think in our native language, or we think in a language that we know how to speak. Now I can't I I can't recall what I thought before I knew the English language.
JClay:But I think when I think thoughts, it's, you know, in English. And because of that, words have a certain frequency, and they're like a certain code for each of us to unlock what we want. And when we put certain words together, it creates beautiful things like an affirmation, like, you know, saying I am great. Like, that's like a code that makes us embody that greatness because we have certain meanings tied to these words. And I I say all that to say that, use it to your advantage.
JClay:Like, if if something happens, you'll use a word to describe it or use a phrase to describe it and then feel the feeling of the words that you said. But what if you could reverse that? Like, what if you could just start saying the words and then they can influence the the the circumstances? And to give an example of that, we know that all things are cause and effect. Like, you can't have an effect without a cause.
JClay:They're they're one. They're one. But then we start reacting to the effect, So it becomes the new cause of our behavior. So now we're saying things are affecting cause instead of cause and effect. And I'm saying since we're already doing that, let's re reverse it.
JClay:Say the say the words, say the phrase to almost activate us in a sense. And and that could be a way to get into the the stance or the mind frame that we wanna be in for the reality we wanna experience.
Troy Washington:And see, that goes back to the point that I'm making by trusting the thought. Because, again, the reason why people don't do that is because the effect they think is gonna be different than what they determined when they verbally verbalize it or talk it. Right? But you're right, though. What's wrong with framing the words that we use in a way that's beneficial to everything?
Troy Washington:Like, it's not like anybody else has to own it. It's not like it's not like anybody else has to subscribe to it. It's not like it's gonna affect anybody else in a negative way. You know what I'm saying? Like, it it's gonna affect other people, but it's not like it's gonna affect them in a negative way.
Troy Washington:And so the question that you gotta ask yourself is, why would I not say today is good? Why would I not say being in a situation is helpful? Why would I not say having you know you know, funny thing is, TJ sent me a quote yesterday. My my 12 year old son sent a quote, and he said people complain it says something like people complain about how much is on the table when the goal was to eat anyway. Oh.
Troy Washington:And and, you know, for me, it's like, frame it the way you wanna frame it, but go ahead, Jay.
JClay:Yeah. Then now it it it's it's so true. And we we have so much power to to instantly change things. Oh, I I know what I wanna say because you you talked about the the reason that people won't, say those things is because they don't necessarily believe in it. And I know you always say your one of your favorite quotes is blessed are those who, believe but do not see.
JClay:Right? Yeah. And it's similar to okay. I I saw two recent interviews where two different actors told another actor I'm a be a star one day, and they told them this years ago. And then they came out and just were ended up a star.
JClay:Like, who knew? You know, they didn't believe them when they first said it, but you believed you. You know what I mean? And you believe you anyway. You should believe you, and the only way you might not believe yourself is if you're misusing your words, if you're if you're actively trying to deceive another on purpose, if that's your intention, that that's the only way you won't believe your words.
JClay:But most importantly, you believe your words. You believe your thoughts that which the which is the birthing ground of your words. And so why not use that to your advantage? Say the words you wanna believe and believe them. Like like, truly activate yourself.
JClay:Truly say, hey. This is me. I am great. I am a star. I am gonna do I'm I'm gonna be known as one of the greatest rap artists to ever do this thing.
JClay:And let let yourself know and believe it regardless if anybody else believes it or not because they will come around because they they they have no choice.
Troy Washington:It's funny. Again, even with with you just saying the affirmations you said about yourself. Right? And I think about all the stuff that I said about myself. And and and, again, for what we're trying to give people in this moment.
Troy Washington:But there was nothing that you said that was harmful, hurtful, or distracting or disturbing to me about you.
JClay:Yeah.
Troy Washington:And it it has no bearing on my life. And, again, that's the thing that we trick ourselves into believing along the pathway. That's the reason why the the language that we're speaking is not what we need to be speaking. Because, again, I would not say these things because number one, I don't deem it to be true, and I also think that you don't think it's gonna be true. And it's gonna have some type of adverse effect on you.
Troy Washington:And so, you know, you just got you you have to allow your opportune allow yourself the opportunity to see the truth. And the truth is everything in front of you that you have, you believe that you can have it. Everything that you don't have, you don't believe that you can have it. And it's and and the proof is in the pudding. There's nothing in front of you that you have that you'd never thought that, oh, I can have it one day.
Troy Washington:It just it just doesn't work out that way. And so I I think that again, to your point, more blessed is he who believes and does see doesn't see it. Say it even when you don't believe it. Say it enough to make it real, say it enough to trust it, start to believe it, and then be it. And it will be just like everything else.
Troy Washington:Go ahead, Jay.
JClay:Yeah. The the the same way you said, like, I said nothing that's harmful to you. In a very real sense, anything that anyone says that someone else says is never harmful to you. Even Right. Yeah.
JClay:E even when, like, even in this space when I was kinda new to this space and I heard people maybe speaking against themselves, I I wanted to just jump in right away. Like, what don't say that. I mean, I I still do it to a certain extent now, but my emotions were tied to it in a negative way because I thought that either, you know, their their harm would get on me or so. I don't know. I I I had a a negative belief on that.
JClay:And I realized by me trying to jump into that, I was taking myself away from this good feeling thoughts that I had. And so and I say this to say that, you know, if people are are talking maybe ill of themselves or or of the world around you, just listen. Just listen. Like, don't don't necessarily try to seek to change them. Just double up on who you are.
JClay:Be who you are. Like and that will rub off on them, especially if the because a lot of a lot of times people think that, you know, there could be toxic people. But if they could be toxic people, they could be people that could be the cure, and you could just be the cure.
Troy Washington:So I agree with you a %, but I'm gonna give you, an example of a time where I didn't abide by that. Though, I'm telling you that I agree with with you, though. Right? But just this last week at school, bro, one of the students and how we even get on this conversation. So so mind you, me being a substitute, there are certain things that I can and cannot say to kids because you don't want to, they have this thing called grooming where do people dudes or girl, they groom kids to like them in certain ways.
Troy Washington:You know, just a whole bunch of technical stuff. Right?
JClay:Yeah.
Troy Washington:So I'm very mindful of the way that I speak. Even though the way that I speak no matter what is always uplifting, which is a it's it's a it's a thing. Right? So a kid tells me, we we would sit I was at her desk, and she was like, I'm so ugly. Right?
Troy Washington:And now mind you, now I'm I'm kinda up in a defensive stance because I'm like, okay. I don't know how to respond to this because I can't tell this little girl that she's pretty. I can't, you know, I can't say certain things. And so she was like, just look at this picture. I'm just so ugly, mister Washington.
Troy Washington:And I was like, hey. You know, why would you talk about why I said I said, you know what? Let me explain something to you real quick. And this is where the caveat where I say that some what you think about yourself or the way that you think about yourself doesn't affect people other than when you think negatively about yourself. Because when you think negatively about yourself, as much as it doesn't affect me, it does because I don't think that you should feel that way.
Troy Washington:Yeah. And so I told her, I said, well, look. In this classroom, I don't ever wanna hear you talk about yourself that way. And she was like, but if you just look like so she just adamant, and she's sitting by herself. She doesn't sit with nobody.
Troy Washington:So now I can already see that there's a complex that's being developed. Right? And so, again, I get outside of myself because I cannot allow this to be the case here. And I said, well, let me explain something to you. We all different.
Troy Washington:We all look a certain way, and you are not in you are not any you are not ugly as you're not more ugly than anybody else that's ugly in this world. Because if you're ugly, we all have to be defined the same way. Right? Because you're gonna be the baseline. And she was like, what?
Troy Washington:And I was like, just understand that the way that you're judging yourself is not who you truly are because you're looking at yourself from a standpoint of, unhappiness right now because of your circumstances. But I'm gonna tell you, mister Washington is gonna tell you that you are pretty, and that's the only way that you need to think about the way that you move. And she was like, thank you. Right? And then you can just see her whole demeanor change.
Troy Washington:But to your point, it's not always your place to insert yourself in these situations. The way that you combat that in a lot of instances is by showing people your light even when you don't feel that way about yourself. So I agree with you in that situation. I just happen to oh, go ahead, Jay.
JClay:But when I I I I what I wanna say is is to your point, and I I agree with you, is when I say insert yourself, like, you didn't go negative in any way. Like, you could've been like, no. You crazy. Like, what you thought? Like, you you you step back.
JClay:Like, okay. I gotta do this a certain way, but I also have to remain positive when I say this. So, like, you're you're focusing on you. You're being doubly, triply intentional about how you did this. And so, like, you didn't insert yourself in a sense.
JClay:You were just more of you, which I'm I'm with. But do we go ahead. Go ahead.
Troy Washington:No. No. No. No. No.
Troy Washington:And and, again, that's the point. And and I just want to break it down because sometimes we do find ourselves in unique situations. But I agree with your your premise, though. Like, the idea here is there are gonna be times when I may feel the same way that that girl feels about herself. You never know.
Troy Washington:Like, I I don't I didn't get up off the right side of the bed this morning. I don't my hair ain't the way that I wanted to or I don't dress the same way, so I don't feel as confident in myself as I should. But the way that you teach somebody is that you're showing them that no matter how you look, I'm confident. So that way, whenever other people come around, they say, well, mister Washington is always happy. Mister Washington know he always like this.
Troy Washington:He's always so whenever people around me, I can see even the kids, they're all coming to me with a smile. They're all coming to me with a certain type of energy because I'm showing them based off of my behavior. But go ahead, Jay.
JClay:Yeah. You you made me think about something that how, like yeah. She could have been comparing herself to someone she saw and how comparisons lead us to not be in our right mind. So, the the video shine blind that I shot, I had played a homeless person. And we went to this location where all these kids were dressed nice in prom.
JClay:They were in their prom gear taking pictures and stuff. And I didn't realize it, but I just felt like like, I'm playing a homeless person around all these very nicely, pristinely dressed people. And I started to develop a complex like, man, this is crazy. I need to go change clothes. But I had a purpose for being how I am, but it just shows how easily we can let stuff play with our mind.
JClay:And and I was grateful that I was aware of what was forming, so I was able to take steps to not let that bother me and continue to film the video as it needed to be filmed in that, space. But
Troy Washington:yeah. Real quick. It it it it it it brings a thought to myself. And, again, what we do to ourselves is the most important thing here is what we're talking about. But I had some old shoes on, bro, and I was showing somebody a house, a $500,000 house.
Troy Washington:Right? And in my mind, I don't know why it went up, but I looked at my shoes, and I was like, these people gonna be like, why I'm letting this dude sell me a $500,000 house. Right? So it it's just one of those things. And I literally went out and bought shoes the next day.
Troy Washington:Now mind you, they never said anything about my shoes nor did they probably ever look at it. Right? But it it it it it just shows you the the amount of, negative energy we impress on ourselves for no reason sometimes.
JClay:Yeah.
Troy Washington:And so, you know, just to your point and go ahead, Jay.
JClay:Yeah. And sometimes it just means why not just be our best self from the jump? You know what I mean? Yeah. But but but we we at that time now, I I wanna say I appreciate everybody that definitely rock with us on this show.
JClay:Next week, we're gonna have a special guest named Blaze, and we're gonna be talking about how to turn any crisis, any crisis, into a spiritual awakening. It's it's it's going to be a beautiful event next week. Was there anything, Troy, before we get here?
Troy Washington:Of course. I just wanna let everybody know if you feel like this is helpful, you feel like, you know, you wanna help someone else recognize their perfection the way that y'all help us, please like, share, and subscribe. That's how we make the show grow. And, definitely, we wanna be here, and we wanna make sure that we're always providing, you know, our our our perfection. You know what I mean?
Troy Washington:So just let y'all know that we're grateful for y'all. And, yeah. That's it, Jay.
JClay:Yeah. So appreciate y'all again. And remember, you're perfect creation made by a perfect creator, so you might as well accept your perfection and enter perfect mode. Yeah. If I reminded you that you are perfect, would you argue me down or step into your perfection?
JClay:Welcome to perfect, where there are no excuses, no expectations, where there are no excuses, no expectations, and we explore the world without limitations. I'm Jay Clay, rapper, and spiritual teacher with my cohost Troy Washington, your friendly neighborhood realtor. Let's be real. So let's be perfect.
Troy Washington:Perfect. Everything. Anything. Anything. Anything.
Troy Washington:Perfect. Everything. Anything. Anything. Anything.
Troy Washington:Perfect. Everything. Anything. Anything. Anything.
JClay:Perfect. Perfect. Perfect. Perfect.
